Sometimes God give wings to babies so they could fly to heaven

“Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere.  We can’t always understand them, but we have to trust them.  I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith.”- Laura Kate

                One day, I hoped and prayed to get married at the age of 28 and have a baby of my own before 30.  - It was in the middle of our dance rehearsal when I suddenly realized that I wasn't getting any younger and would soon turn 25 on the following month. I had then got worried, wished, hoped, and prayed to find someone that would love and practically could support me and our future family together. As the youngest in the family of 6 children, I had witnessed and experienced how my parents and my siblings' family strove hard financially for daily survival. It was the experienced I had witnessed that led me to achieve my goal. I was then so focused on how I could support my parents' daily needs and make them and the rest of my siblings' family-and-children happy without even a thought of my own self. There were many times I struggled financially because I prioritized my family before myself. But those didn't matter to me.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” - Anaïs Nin

                 Never would I thought to engage me in a dating site. - I remembered one time when my Aunt told me to try dating someone outside my country (foreigner as we call it) since her neighbor in the mountain where she lived got married to one. I was 21 or 22 at that time when I responded to her with a big NO saying, "Myself can work hard to earn money from own sweat without relying on anyone or get rich because of marrying someone that has money." But I ate what I had said. It was mid-day when I came home and saw my ex-co-teachers/housemates busy with their laptop chatting with someone on a dating site where they had joined. I was sneaky at that time whilst I listened to the detail of their conversation specifically, the different dating sites where they had registered themselves. So I took note of the site they mentioned, went to an Internet cafe, and registered myself the following day. I had worked hard to earn my first laptop a year afterward. I was unfortunate at first to find someone genuine online for over 2 years. But because I deemed of a sincere prayer that God finally entrusted, He gave me "the love of my life" my husband.

“Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice.” -Fawn Weaver

              It wasn't a normal gig, it was the real "I do's". - I started my dance career when I was in college. My exposure to the different big events through performing dance was a bombshell. Of course, I was and will always be grateful to my mentors (Abigail and Juepre P.) for the training and exposure I had during my dance career. It was a great help to become who I am now. During that 10 years of exposure, I learned how to put makeup on my own self before our show. Henceforth, it was a normal routine for us to do. So a week after I came to my husband's place, 7, 703 miles away from the city where I came from, we traveled to Kona Hawaii for our wedding. I was completely gratified perhaps delighted by the beauty of the Big Island. There were numerous activities and events we attended during our stay beside our Big day. The unfathomable day it was! Like every show,  the routine I used to after putting makeup on was the sentiment I had then. As we were on our way to the place of our wedding ceremony, I giggled deep inside thought it was like the usual gig (make up-travel-perform) moment.  We were signing the paper and had our photo-shoot thereafter. I was like, " wait! Am I really married? officially married? so that was the real "I do's?".

“No one can know how much I love you, because you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.”

                   Sometimes God gives wings to babies so they could fly to heaven. - Noche Buena. It was Christmas eve when hubby and I decided to buy a pregnancy test kit. The mixed sentiment of excitement and nervousness when I was about to use the PT kit that following morning. Hubby was still sleeping at that time when I did the test myself. Positive! It took a little while before it sank into my mind that I was pregnant. Of course, we were both so happy. But saddened news came a week after when I woke up one morning with blood-stained on our bedsheet. Tears shed whilst hubby slowly explained what went wrong at that time. I knew what it meant deep inside but didn't have the courage to accept it yet. It wasn't a good New year for us because it happened on the 2nd day of the year. I didn't want to be taken to the hospital but a friend of mine insisted on my health's sake. So right there and then hubby drove me to the hospital close to the apartment where we lived. I tried to be goofy whilst I laid on the bed, pretended I was okay but in deep pained.  I knew and believed that everything happened for a reason. It didn't happen only once but had a twice miscarriages mid-May of the same year.   “I felt like I was being carried over the threshold of a sisterhood of loss. I knew I was not walking alone, and that eventually, I would bob back up to the surface of the deep because the women around me showed me what healing looks like.”
― Anna White, Mended: Thoughts on Life, Love, and Leaps of Faith

       I want to hold my bundle of joy before I turned 30 was finally bestowed the following year. Yes, I'm indeed grateful beyond blessed... (Next Chapter Blog)